Tag Archives: Thanksgiving

Uncle Bob Lends a Hand

Humor, , , , , , , ,

I spent my first Thanksgiving with my husband in his Irish-Italian neighborhood in New York City. As a newcomer, I was placed in charge of boiling 15 pounds of potatoes. When they were ready, I picked up the pan and surveyed the crowded kitchen for a sink in which to drain them. My husband’s elderly uncle Bob guided me to a small half-bathroom and grabbed the steaming pot. He started to drain the potatoes into the toilet, but he lost his grip on the lid and all the potatoes tumbled in! I screamed, “Oh no!” but Uncle Bob began fishing the potatoes out of the toilet. “No one will ever know,” he whispered. “Now just go out there and mash them.”

Sometime later, during the meal, my husband’s Aunt Tot leaned over and whispered, “Your potatoes are delicious. I think you are going to fit into this family quite nicely.”

— Robin McCutchan in Oxford, Ohio

Drastic Measures to Save a Marriage or is it?

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Older couple on the phone.jpgDrastic Measures to Save a Marriage or is it?  

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old man says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her,” and hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister who explodes on the phone.

“They’er not getting divorced if I have anything to do about it,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this.”

She call Phoenix immediatly, and screams at the old man, “you are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife and says, “Okay, they’re coming for Thanksgiving… now what do we tell them for Christmas?”

Author Unknown