Category Archives: Humor

Potato Sack Exercises

Potato Sack.pngJust came across this exercise suggested for older adults, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems so easy, so I thought I’d pass it on to some of my friends. The article suggested doing it three days a week.

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax.

Each day, you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb sacks.

Eventually try to get to where you can lift a 25-lb sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I’m at this level)

After you feel confident at this level put a potato in each of the sacks.

The last sentence tells it all…..Priceless!

Cowboy’s Reincarnation

Cowboy's Reincarnation“What is reincarnation?” A cowboy asked his friend.

“Well it starts” His old pal told him, “when your life comes to an end.”

They wash your face, and comb your hair, and clean your finger nails.

Then they stick you in a padded box, away for life’s travails.

Next, the box and you go in a hole that’s been dug in the ground.

It’s then that reincarnation starts, when your planted neath that mound.

The clods melt down, as does the box, and you who are inside.

And now you’re well into your transformation ride.

In a while the grass will grow upon that rendered mound,

and then one day upon that spot a lone  flower will be found. 

And maybe a horse will wander by and graze upon that flower,

that once was you and has now become your vegatative bower.

Well, the flower eaten by the horse along with other feed

makes bone, and fat and muscle essential to the steed.

But there’s a part that he can’t use, and so it passes through,

and lies there on the ground, this thing that once was you.

And if by chance, I happen by and see this on the ground,

i’ll pause a while and ponder on this object I have found.

I’ll think of reincarnation and life and death and such, 

and go away concluding, heck, you haven’t changed that much.

By Wallace McRae

Edited by Leon Ripplinger

The Moral of the Story: Seeing Eye Dog

Dog PilotA woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento.

The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if passengers wanted to get off the plane they would re-board in 45 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind.

A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her guide dod lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight. He could also tell she had flown this very flight  before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, “Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour, would you like to get off and stretch your legs?”

The blind lady said, “No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs.”

All the people in the gate area came to a complete stand still when they looked up and saw a pilot walk off the plane with a guide dog for the blind! Even worse, the pilot was wearing sunglasses!

People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!

The moral of the story: Even though a picture is worth a thousand words, never assume you know the whole story. 

Pastor’s Business Card

Catholic Priest .pngA new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card that he had printed  “Revelation 3:20” on the back of it for just such an occasion,  and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned.

Added to it was this cryptic message, “Genesis 3:10.” Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.”   Genesis 3:10 reads, “I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.”

“A cheerful heart is good medicine” (Prov.  17:22)

The Moral of the Story

Screen Shot 2018-02-13 at 8.36.25 PMA little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there miserably in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

MORALS OF THE STORY:

1) Not everyone who craps on you is your enemy.

2) Not everyone who gets you out of crap is your friend.

3) And when you’re in deep crap, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!