Category Archives: Humor

The Moral of the Story: Seeing Eye Dog

Dog PilotA woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento.

The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if passengers wanted to get off the plane they would re-board in 45 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind.

A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her guide dod lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight. He could also tell she had flown this very flight  before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, “Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour, would you like to get off and stretch your legs?”

The blind lady said, “No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs.”

All the people in the gate area came to a complete stand still when they looked up and saw a pilot walk off the plane with a guide dog for the blind! Even worse, the pilot was wearing sunglasses!

People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!

The moral of the story: Even though a picture is worth a thousand words, never assume you know the whole story. 

Pastor’s Business Card

Catholic Priest .pngA new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card that he had printed  “Revelation 3:20” on the back of it for just such an occasion,  and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned.

Added to it was this cryptic message, “Genesis 3:10.” Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.”   Genesis 3:10 reads, “I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.”

“A cheerful heart is good medicine” (Prov.  17:22)

The Moral of the Story

Screen Shot 2018-02-13 at 8.36.25 PMA little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there miserably in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

MORALS OF THE STORY:

1) Not everyone who craps on you is your enemy.

2) Not everyone who gets you out of crap is your friend.

3) And when you’re in deep crap, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

Do You Have Any Idea Who I Am?

Airport terminal.pngIt happened at a New York Airport this is hilarious. I wish I had the guts of this girl. An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. For all of you out there who have had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you.

A crowed United Airlines flight was cancelled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, “I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.”

The agent replied, “I’m sorry sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these folks first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?”

Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. “May I have your attention please?” she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. “We have a passenger here at gate 17 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17.”

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore “F*** you!”

Without flinching, she smiled and said, “I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to stand in line for that, too.” The man retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly. Although the flight was canceled and people were late, they were no longer angry at United.

The Pastors Ass

The Pastor's AssHere’s a little humor with a good moral

The Pastor’s Ass

A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTORS ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read: A BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to the Nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper,hearing the news posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted! He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the papers read: NUN SELL ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is…. Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery. It can even shorten your life….So be yourself and enjoy life to the fullest. Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll be a lot happier and live longer.

Have a nice day!