Category Archives: Humor

What Came First?

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What Came First the Chicken or the Egg? What these famous people might have said.

Donald Trump
I think the chicken came first, okay? It just makes sense. You need a chicken to lay an egg, right? It’s common sense, folks. And let me tell you, we’re going to make chickens great again.

Albert Einstein
“The answer, my friend, lies in the process of evolution. The egg, over countless generations, gradually transformed into what we recognize as the modern-day chicken. So, in the grand scheme of things, it was the egg that came first.”

Dr Seuss
“Oh, the question’s quite fun, a riddle, you see, Did the egg or the chick come to be?
In a world full of wonders, where whimsy takes flight, It doesn’t much matter, it’s all just delight!”

Colonel Sanders
“Well, darlin’, I reckon it’s the chicken that came first. After all, without the chicken, there’d be no finger-lickin’ good fried chicken for folks to enjoy!”

Confucius
“Seek harmony in the question, not the answer.”

Yoda
“Mmm, the egg, young one, came first it did. The cycle of life, it is. In the egg, the potential lies, for the chick to hatch and the Force to flow. A question of beginnings, it is not, but of the Force’s eternal flow, it is.”

Ann Landers
“Well, dear, it’s quite simple. The egg came first. Nature always starts with the basics.”

Paul Harvey
“And now you know the rest of the story: the egg came first, for within its fragile shell lies the promise of life, the beginning of a new chapter in the grand story of our world.”

Mark Twain
“Why, the egg, of course! It had to hatch into a chick eventually.” 

Sherlock Holmes
“Elementary, my dear Watson. The egg, as it represents the initial stage of life’s development, logically precedes the chick.”

Jim Gaffigan
Well, you see, it’s a lot like that late-night pizza dilemma. Does it matter who came first when you’re hungry?” 

Uncle Bob Lends a Hand

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I spent my first Thanksgiving with my husband in his Irish-Italian neighborhood in New York City. As a newcomer, I was placed in charge of boiling 15 pounds of potatoes. When they were ready, I picked up the pan and surveyed the crowded kitchen for a sink in which to drain them. My husband’s elderly uncle Bob guided me to a small half-bathroom and grabbed the steaming pot. He started to drain the potatoes into the toilet, but he lost his grip on the lid and all the potatoes tumbled in! I screamed, “Oh no!” but Uncle Bob began fishing the potatoes out of the toilet. “No one will ever know,” he whispered. “Now just go out there and mash them.”

Sometime later, during the meal, my husband’s Aunt Tot leaned over and whispered, “Your potatoes are delicious. I think you are going to fit into this family quite nicely.”

— Robin McCutchan in Oxford, Ohio

Nuts in a Graveyard

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On the outskirts of town there was a big old pecan tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight and began dividing the nuts.

“One for you, one for me, One for you, one for me” said one boy.

Several were dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery, and he slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard “One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.” He just knew what it was. “Oh, my,” he shuddered, “it’s Satan and the Lord dividing souls at the cemetery.”

He Jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. “Come here quick,” said the boy, “you won’t believe what I heard. “Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls.” The man said, “Beat it kid, can’t you it’s hard for me to walk?” When the boy insisted, though, the man hobbled to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence, they heard, One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.” The old man whispered, “Boy, you’ve been telling the truth. Let’s see if we can see the devil himself.” Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet we’re still unable to see anything. The. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of Satan.

At last they heard, “One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That’s all. Now let’s go get the nuts by the fence, and we’ll be done.”

A Mans Grief

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Albert Hammond was visiting the cemetery near Hamble in England and he couldn’t help noticing a man kneeling in front of a gravestone, clasping his hands and sobbing. 

Albert went a bit closer and could hear what the man was saying. ‘Why did you have to die?’ he was repeating,‘Why did you have to die?’

Feeling he ought to do something to alleviate the man’s obvious distress Albert laid his hand on his shoulder saying gently, ‘Was it someone you loved very much?’

The man looked up at him and said, ‘No, I never met him, he was my wife’s first husband.’ 

Potato Sack Exersize

Better Living, Humor, , ,

Just came across this exercise suggested for older adults, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems so easy, so I thought I’d pass it on to some of my friends. The article suggested doing it three days a week.

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax.

Each day, you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb sacks.

Eventually try to get to where you can lift a 25-lb sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I’m at this level)

After you feel confident at this level put a potato in each of the sacks.

The last sentence tells it all…..Priceless!

Mom thanks for sharing your jokes I miss you everyday.

Cowboy’s Reincarnation

Humor, Poem, , , , , , ,

Cowboy's Reincarnation“What is reincarnation?” A cowboy asked his friend.

“Well it starts” His old pal told him, “when your life comes to an end.”

They wash your face, and comb your hair, and clean your finger nails.

Then they stick you in a padded box, away for life’s travails.

Next, the box and you go in a hole that’s been dug in the ground.

It’s then that reincarnation starts, when your planted neath that mound.

The clods melt down, as does the box, and you who are inside.

And now you’re well into your transformation ride.

In a while the grass will grow upon that rendered mound,

and then one day upon that spot a lone  flower will be found. 

And maybe a horse will wander by and graze upon that flower,

that once was you and has now become your vegatative bower.

Well, the flower eaten by the horse along with other feed

makes bone, and fat and muscle essential to the steed.

But there’s a part that he can’t use, and so it passes through,

and lies there on the ground, this thing that once was you.

And if by chance, I happen by and see this on the ground,

i’ll pause a while and ponder on this object I have found.

I’ll think of reincarnation and life and death and such, 

and go away concluding, heck, you haven’t changed that much.

By Wallace McRae

Edited by Leon Ripplinger