Tag Archives: Joke

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

“Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?  A political perspective.

DONALD TRUMP: I’ve been told by my many sources, good sources – they’re very good sources – that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it’s a really good road. It’s a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN: Why did the chicken do the…thing in the…you know the rest.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?”

A Story of Four Worms

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A minister determined a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. For this demonstration, he watered his lawn in the evening, then when night time approached, visited his back yard with flashlight in hand.  He carefully selected four worms, night-crawlers to be exact.

The Four Worms were Placed into Four Separate Jars

The FIRST WORM was put into a container of alcohol.

The SECOND WORM was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The THIRD WORM was put into a container of chocolate.

The FOURTH WORM was put into a container of good clean soil.

What Happened to the Four Worms?

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The FIRST WORM in the jar with alcohol – was DEAD.

The SECOND WORM in the jar with cigarette smoke – was DEAD.

The THIRD WORM in the jar with chocolate – was DEAD.

The FOURTH WORM in the jar of good clean soil – was ALIVE!

So the Minister Asked the Congregation:

What can you learn from this demonstration?

From the back of the church, came the response:

“As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!”

That pretty much ended the service . . .

Three Birds on a Wire

Three birds on a Wire.png
A teacher was helping her third-grade students with a math problem.
  After choosing a student in particular, she recited the following story:

“Billy, there are three birds sitting on a telephone wire.  A man with a gun shoots one of the birds. How many birds are left on the wire?” 

The boy pauses. “None,” he replied thoughtfully. “No, no, no.  Let’s try again, maybe you didn’t hear me correctly,”the teacher says patiently. She holds up three fingers. 

“There are three birds sitting on a wire.  A man with a gun shoots one,” she puts down one finger, “how many birds are left on the wire?”

“None,” the boy says with authority.

 The teacher sighs.  “Tell me how you came up with that.” 

“It’s simple,” says the boy, “after the man shot one bird, the noise from the gun scared the other two away.” 

“Well,” she says, “that’s not technically correct, but I like the way you think.”

“Thanks,” chimes the boy, “now let me ask you a question.”  “Okay,” she said guardedly. 

“There are three women sitting on a bench eating popsicles.  One woman is licking the popsicle, one woman is biting the popsicle, and one is sucking the popsicle.  Which one is married?” he asked innocently.

 The teacher looked at the boy’s angelic face and writhed in agony, turning three shades of red. 

“C’mon,” the boy said impatiently, “which one is it, the one licking the popsicle, the one biting it, or the one sucking it?  Which one is married?”

“Well, uh,” she gulped and in a barely audible whisper replied, “the one who’s sucking?”

“Naw,” he says with surprise, “the one with the wedding ring. But I like the way you think.”