Category Archives: Humor

Do You Have Any Idea Who I Am?

Airport terminal.pngIt happened at a New York Airport this is hilarious. I wish I had the guts of this girl. An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. For all of you out there who have had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you.

A crowed United Airlines flight was cancelled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, “I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.”

The agent replied, “I’m sorry sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these folks first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?”

Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. “May I have your attention please?” she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. “We have a passenger here at gate 17 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17.”

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore “F*** you!”

Without flinching, she smiled and said, “I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to stand in line for that, too.” The man retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly. Although the flight was canceled and people were late, they were no longer angry at United.

The Pastors Ass

The Pastor's AssHere’s a little humor with a good moral

The Pastor’s Ass

A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTORS ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read: A BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to the Nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper,hearing the news posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted! He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the papers read: NUN SELL ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is…. Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery. It can even shorten your life….So be yourself and enjoy life to the fullest. Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll be a lot happier and live longer.

Have a nice day!

Joke of the Day

I found a kindred spirit with humor. ENJOY!

lbeth1950's avatarNutsrok

image50 Terrible, Short Jokes That’ll Get You A Laugh On Demand

1. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

2. I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.

3. The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.

4. A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.

5. What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeño business.

6. What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? Wataaaaah!

7. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.

8. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.

9. There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a…

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