Category Archives: Humor with a moral

A Picture Is Worth a 1000 Words.

A woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento.

The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if passengers wanted to get off the plane they would re-board in 45 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind.

A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her guide dod lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight. He could also tell she had flown this very flight  before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, “Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour, would you like to get off and stretch your legs?”

The blind lady said, “No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs.”

All the people in the gate area came to a complete stand still when they looked up and saw a pilot walk off the plane with a guide dog for the blind! Even worse, the pilot was wearing sunglasses!

People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!

The moral of the story: Even though a picture is worth a thousand words, never assume you know the whole story. 

The Old Lady and the Bank Teller

This old lady handed her bank card to the teller and said “I would like to withdraw $10”. The teller told her “for withdrawals less than $100, please use the ATM.

The old lady wanted to know why… The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her “these are the rules, please leave if there is no further matter. There is a line of customers behind you”.

The old lady remained silent for a few seconds and handed her card back to the teller and said “please help me withdraw all the money I have.” The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her “you have $300,000 in your account but the bank doesn’t have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come back again tomorrow?

The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately. The teller told her any amount up to $3000. “Well please let me have $3000 now.” The teller kindly handed $3000 very friendly and with a smile to her.

The old lady put $10 in her purse and asked the teller to deposit $2990 back into her account.

The moral of this story is….

Don’t be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skill.

This Boy is a Genius

A young boy enters a barber shop…and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The Barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which one do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the Ice cream store.

“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

Nativity Scene

A man was passing through a small southern town where there was a
nativity scene on exhibit that showed great skill and talent had 
gone into creating it. One small feature bothered the man though.  
The three wise men were all wearing fireman’s helmets.

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, the man 
left.  At the “Quik Stop” at the edge of town, the man asked the 
lady behind the counter about the helmets.  She exploded into a 
rage, yelling at the man, “You damn Yankees never do read the Bible!”

The man assured the lady that he read the Bible regularly but 
simply could not recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through 
some pages and finally jabbed her finger on the passage.  
Sticking it into the man’s face she said, “See, it says right 
here, “The three wise men came from afar.””

The Wise Man

   

People have been coming to the wise man, complaining about the same problems every time. One day he told them a joke, and everyone roared in laughter.

After a couple of minutes, he told them the same joke and only a few of them smiled. When he told the same joke for a third time no one laughed anymore.

The wise man smiled and said:
“You can’t laugh at the same joke over and over. So why are you always crying about the same problem?

Moral of the story:
Worrying won’t solve your problems, it’ll just waste your time and energy.

Life Can Be Short

Airplane FlyingHis request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport. arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, “lets go”. the pilot taxied out swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, ‘fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.” Why?” asked the pilot. “Because I’m a photographer for CNN”, he responded, “and I need to get some close up shots for the News” The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, then finally he stammered. So what your telling me is… You’re NOT my flight instructor?” 

 

You Can Have Whatever You Want 

Crocodile in the water.pngA very wealthy man was having a party with friends. There was a large swimming pool in the yard. Turning to the guests he said, “This pool is full of crocodiles and alligators. If anyone of you is able to swim across the pool, I will give you whatever you request.

Suddenly there was a splash and a man was in the pool frantically swimming, dodging from side to side just barely avoiding the crocodiles and alligators that were fiercely grabbing for him. He did make it to the other side and was met by a big applause of the witnessing crowd.

Amazing said the rich man. “I didn’t think anyone could do it, so what is your request?”

“All I want is the name of the one who pushed me in the pool.”

The moral of the story is when desire, true grit and determination come together you can accomplish anything.

Church Gossip

Gossiping Women
Irene the church gossip, and self appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business.  Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old blue pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon.  She emphatically told George, and several others, that everyone seeing it there would know exactly what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a few moments and just turned and walked away.  He didn’t explain, defend or deny!  He said nothing!  Later that evening, George quietly parked his  blue pickup in front of Irene’s house …. walked home …. and left it there….all night!Blue Pick-up

The moral of this story is don’t judge others. Even the most obvious situations are not what they appear to be.

The Bagpiper

Pagpiper canstock.jpgThe Bagpiper

Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of your life. As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a gravesside service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the Nova Scotia back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man I didn’t stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.

I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started  for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the worker say, “I never seen anything like that before, and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Apparently, I’m still lost …. it’s a man thing.

Author Unknown